For those of you who know me, whether online or in the so-called “real world”, you may have heard me use both the terms “wife” and “girlfriend” to refer to the same person. This post is something of a brief attempt to explain.
Nancy and I have been legally married since March 19, 2001; therefore she is, technically, my wife. Fairly recently in our relationship, however, we’ve taken to referring to each other quite often as “boyfriend” and “girlfriend”. Why? Well, it began when Nancy expressed concern over the fact that our friend Jamie kept referring to her as my girlfriend, or, vice versa, to me as Nancy’s boyfriend. Jamie explained: In her mind, it was a good thing, that “boyfriend/girlfriend” had a more positive connotation. She had been married before and, as she said (I paraphrase), “You’re stuck with your spouse, often even after a divorce. You choose to be with your boyfriend or girlfriend.” As is so often the case with Jamie’s words (after all, she is a fellow Gemini and thinks a lot like I do), these made sense.
As I pondered it more, I considered the words “spouse”, “husband”, and “wife”. Often these do have something of a negative connotation in modern American society. Just look at all the jokes made about newlyweds’ lives being over now that they’re married. Girlfriends and boyfriends, to many people, are people who have fun together; spouses are those who are stuck in a stagnating life. It may not be true, but words have power and influence many people’s thoughts. I don’t want people thinking that about me and Nancy. We have a great life together, the kind of life a boyfriend and girlfriend should have. Had we more time and money, we’d be living it to the fullest.
My own views on marriage as a mere contract probably influenced the decision some. I think a dedication of love, a promise to love one another for life, is a matter of the heart, not of paper. So, while we are technically married—an arrangement that does have its benefits as far as the government is concerned—it’s not the state of marriage as defined by law that defines our love. It is our commitment to each other, plain and simple. As her boyfriend, I have chosen her; I have dedicated myself to supporting her, loving her, and sharing my life with her. As my girlfriend, she has done the same for me.
I don’t know if this makes sense to the rest of the world, but it makes perfect sense to me, so there you have it. Now you know.
Wow. That was a beautiful explanation (not that one was needed). We often become so wrapped in semantics especially when dealing with relationships and forget in our own who we really are. Sounds like your relationship is enjoying beautiful bliss and that is all that matters. :)